But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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