Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
