They should really pass out barf bags in church
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
