So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
