the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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