Jerry, you need to find god
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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