we have officially lost it.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
