oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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