READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize