my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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