peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm just crazy horny about you
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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