Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize