Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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