on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.