don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
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He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?