At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.