i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...