i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
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I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Can you rollerblade?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.