im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED