His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I am one with the molecules
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.