party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.