Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?