I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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