I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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