I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
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Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad