Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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