i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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