i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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