Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
