Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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