i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
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officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
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I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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