Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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