So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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