tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
