Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Found your dick twin last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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