First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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