I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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