He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i've created a new STD.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
