The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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