remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
