i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize