O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive