i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Randomize
