I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
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Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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