Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.