Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard