It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
