I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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