Quick, to the slutcave!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
