oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
