I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
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He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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