Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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