Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
