mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
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We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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