I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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