He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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