I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
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I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
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Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...