very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
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We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
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Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.