you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
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Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.