we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
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I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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