I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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