My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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