is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
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Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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