I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
